The art of being happy alone

"Single is not a status. It is a description for a person strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others."

Inevitably you will find yourself in this situation. After a lot of planning your life with someone else, you discover that there is no point in the two of you sharing the same plans, goals, and feelings. It's over.

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The time has come to pick up his guitar, break up the partnership, and embark on a solo career.

At this moment, it is as if a retrospective of your life flashes before your eyes. What have I done with myself all these years? What am I going to do with my life? And how can I go on without her by my side?

If there is one comfort I can give you it is this: there is no pain that will not end, no wound that will not heal, and no page that cannot be turned. There is even a study done at the University of Auckland (New Zealand) that contradicts a maxim sung by Tom Jobim: Yes, it is possible to be happy alone.

Psychologist Yuthika Girme, author of the study of 4,000 people aged 18 to 94, points out that: "Even the best relationships can be difficult, exposing the individual to hurt and disappointment. In many cases, involvements are reasons for anxiety and depression. For some people, the best thing to do is to put this aside and seek peace alone.

"Although there is still pressure for you to date or marry, singlehood is becoming increasingly common and is not always synonymous with dissatisfaction or sadness," Girme says.

For this reason, I have decided to point out some truths to help you in this new endeavor of being happy alone.

1# Being single is having time to be yourself, with yourself

You have finally found some time for yourself. This is the time to reconnect with yourself, understand your needs, discuss all the doubts, and seek the answers that you have always put aside during a relationship.

Living alone allows us to do what we want, when we want, on our own terms. It frees us from the constraints of a partner's needs and demands and allows us to focus on ourselves. This is a great time for reflection and acceptance. Allow yourself to be who you want to be.

2# If you don't let go of the past, you will never live in the present

You will always have fond memories of your ex-girlfriends, especially if the last breakup didn't go the way you planned. But, you need to leave the past in its place.

You can keep a space for the things that were important in your life, the moments of joy and happiness with another person, but you have to stop clinging to them as if they were the only way out. Only then will you be able to live today, build new stories, and have strength for the next day.

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3# Only after you have lost everything are you free to discover what is missing

How often do we postpone life projects, dreams, desires, and professional achievements because they are incompatible with life with your partner. Part of relationship is giving in and reconciling.

Now that you are alone, you have the opportunity to resume all postponed plans, to put all your energies into projects of your own (and to harvest them). Use this time for your own things.

4# Change can be good

The human being is afraid of change. Sometimes change is very beneficial for him, but the fear of the new, of acquiring new habits, makes him afraid.

Look at change as a new opportunity, to do new activities, to go to new places, to start new projects, to travel, to meet new people and cultures.

5# Being single is not being afraid of relationships

Just because you have had a negative experience in a relationship doesn't mean you will never get involved again.

Know that keeping your heart furry will not shield you from further suffering, but it may keep you away from people who are really worth being around.

6# You are not alone when you are single

This is the right time for you to make the most of your time with your family and true friends. They will be there to welcome you, support you, and stand by you, no matter what happens.

Remember that now you don't have time booked or days of the week with commitments other than yourself. Use the free time to resume old friendships, spend more time with your elders and siblings. Dedicate some time to those who love you.

7# It is a time to focus on yourself

Sometimes being in a relationship can make you lazy for your personal development. You can become complacent in your goals and leave them behind.

Being alone is the time for you to look deeply inside yourself and identify the person you really want to be - without the influence of another person for you to worry about.

8# Someone nice can come your way if you are open to it

You will only know happiness in the future and in the present, if you are open to it. Shutting yourself off from the world, cursing life, the outs you've been dealt or the situation you are in will not improve your current situation at all. It will only make it worse.

Don't wait for things or opportunities to fall from the sky, be prepared for when they arrive.

9# Life is an eternal balance

When something bad happens, we tend to focus on the negative aspects, forgetting that there must be something positive hiding somewhere in the chaos.

Over time, you may discover that that partner you loved so much was keeping you from being who you really are, or that you were not the best person to make your former partner happy.

The important thing is for you to know that you can lead a happy and fulfilling life, no matter whether you are a confirmed bachelor, recently separated, divorced, or whatever fails you. And, above all, that to make someone happy, you have to be happy with yourself.

The Definitive Guide to Not Breaking Your Face

A good way to acquire emotional intelligence and learn from your own mistakes is to read about the subject and get to know yourself through the words of others.

By reading and expanding your mind, you can elaborate self-criticism and even analyze your own behaviors.

Edson Castro and Leonardo Filomeno, creators of The Modern Man's Handbook, have just published a book to help you through this process.

Sometimes what we really need is a good slap in the face to wake up to life.

  • Buy the book here: The Definitive Guide to Not Breaking Your Face
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